mixed feelings again

I got selected for the third round of interview tomorrow! It's so scarily near to that final stage, that final decision which I may eventually have to make. And I'm really just so confused now, I don't know what I want anymore. Or do I? Just that I can't seem to let go of all that I have now, or even THINK about having to let go. One thing is for sure: I love my life in Singapore, I love my family and home, I love being with a certain group of friends -I don't need to say who-, I love SixOh, I love Hwa Chong. And I really just can't bear the thought of letting go of all these! And having all those people I'm close to, drift away. Not being able to spend time with them anymore. No more familiar voices, no more familiar faces, funny word expressions even. Would they still keep in contact often? Or just forget me? Those lunches and breaks together with the class. The crazy times together, the skipping CSP lessons together (ok, so sad, no more CSP periods for us to skip together). Argh!

If I go, half my heart will be torn and remain here. I'll have to start anew again, and have the courage to stick with my decision, that strength to bear the loneliness and solitude, and facing difficulties and possible bouts of depression alone.

If I don't go, there'll be this big "What If" nagging at me constantly, though I'll still enjoy my life here in Singapore.

The dilemma! It's killing me. Guess I'll just leave everything up to Fate. Maybe I don't even have to make that painful decision. Not being selected is much less painful than being selected and having to make a choice. Maybe having free will and being able to make a choice isn't that good after all.

Do long-distance friendships work? I hope they do. Is there such a thing as "friends for life"? I hope so. I hope I don't get disillusioned and disappointed yet again.

Too early to be thinking of that... I have a strangely empty feeling in my chest now. I think I feel too much and am too emotional(ly dependent) for my own good.