Archive -- LiveJournal Entries!
AH! Finally done transferring all relevant LJ posts into BLogger Archive. Goodness knows how painstaking that is. -_-" Underlined titles = more memorable / impt posts.
Hey everyone!!! I've a question to ask all of you: Do you think I should change my blog from LiveJournal to Blogger? Personally I prefer Blogger cos it's more customisable (e.g. I can create my own layout easily) AND it may be easier to comment (tagboard!) and read. But with LiveJournal, it may be easier to read all the "friends (LiveJournal ones)" page at one go. Chinese New Year is coming so I'll probably be making changes, IF any, before then. Please comment! (for non-LJ users, just use the anonymous option). If you're free, can you also state the reason too? (e.g. Blogger more reader-friendly or easier to tag etc etc) THANK YOU!!!
On today. Well it's just school as normal, and we had our very first actual P.E. lesson (last week one was BORING, merely first-aid lessons in the hall followed by height and weight taking) today. It was quite fun actually, ran 2 big rounds around the school (less than 2km only, not very tiring, but I always hate running up slopes. Eek. Same as how I hate climbing stairs.) followed by inclined pull-ups, which I'm pathetic in (did only 10, with 7 at one go, and 3 at another go. Thank goodness the teacher wasn't looking.) I lack arm strength!
The teacher finally came for CSP tutorial today. Late, too. Somehow she reminds me of a primary school teacher, but I guess she's nice in the sense that she didn't scream at us or scold us, only nagging and being quite pissed. I got a great surprise when she started asking me whether I wanted to join Chinese Dance!!! (to which I replied yes, I'm going for the audition tomorrow) So I sort of figured she was the teacher-in-charge of Chinese Dance.
And if I don't get into Chinese Dance, I'll most probably join sailing! (yeah! Sailing's really fun!) Probably a Topper, since I'm too light for Byte (minimum 50kg). Mmm yeah, life's fun! (sidenote: ARG! There's no more persimmons in the fridge!!!)
Yesterday was the class kbox outing, at Cineleisure. To be honest, I didn't have a good impression of KBOX to start off with, since the last time I came, many of the songs I knew how to sing well, and liked a lot, were not available, and the food totally sucked big time, so even though I was treated to KBOX, I didn't enjoy it. But this class kbox outing changed my impression for the better! It was f u n, we got to sing, got rowdy, and there was a nice noisy atmosphere. Even the lunch (grilled fish) was much better than the one I ate here the other time, even though I still don't call it very satisfactory. I got introduced to several nice songs I haven't heard before, and got to sing some of the songs I liked -- Disney Classics like A Whole New World, Can You Feel the Love Tonight, and F4 songs like Di Yi Shi Jian, Liu Xing Yu (Meteor Rain), and Dai Pei Ni's Ni Yao De Ai. (Don't be mistaken, I don't like the F4 members themselves, I only like some of the Meteor Garden songs).
After spending 3 hours (which seemed all too short; we had to get chased more than 3 times before we finally ambled out after finishing with Dang Ni Gu Dan Ni Hui Xiang Qi Shui) at KBOX, we lingered around the first level for a while, and at this shop called Dodo Club I was immensely attracted by the display of numerous nail polish bottles in many pretty shades of colours! I tried out different colours on all my fingernails, before finally deciding on one. Hehe, I've a sort-of fetish for painting nails.
Next was arcade. I hung around with Yangsai watching the others play for a while, bored, before somebody finally agreed to play DDR (Dance Dance Revolution!) with me. Too bad it lasted only two rounds; too short for my standards. And the steps were much slower than expected!
Finally, after realising Pool would be too expensive, Yang Sai and I left for home, taking the same bus together. On the journey, we talked a lot. I must admit I got to know her much better after today, and yeah, when I see her, I don't think of her as a PRC, I just think of her as a friend and a fellow 06S60! I'm glad she integrates well into the class and that our class doesn't really have any PRC cliques or any other cliques for that matter. =) S60 ROCKS my world!!!
Sidenote: I simply am madly in love with...YOGHURT!!! Edit: NATURAL YOGHURT!!! Edit: Marigold NATURAL YOGHURT!!! (the one in the 1-L Tub and no-sugar-added type. sugar spoils the natural taste of yoghurt). Someone please buy that for my birthday; I want it for my "birthday cake"!!! And those who dare to stomach the taste can share my "birthday cake" in class. HEHE. Let's draw an analogy: for all hardcore ice-cream fanatics out there, natural yoghurt is to me what good ice-cream (say, Swensens, Ben&Jerry's) is to them. For all sweets fanatics out there, FRUITS (read: Persimmons! Kiwis! Blueberries! Strawberries! etc, with the EXCEPTION of YUCKY jackfruit & grapefruit) are to me what the loveliest sweets are to them. For all chocolate fanatics out there, nuts (read: WALNUTS! Cashewnuts! Roasted Almonds!) are to me what Belgium / Swiss chocs are to them.
Combine them all and you get my ideal birthday feast / food prezzie: (Marigold / Yoplus) Natural Yoghurt + FRUITS (esp my fav fruits) + nuts (esp walnuts). Hehe. My birthday's on 1st March btw. Goody, falls on a Wednesday. Can celebrate with 60! =)
Anticipation. The very first I did this morning was to check the list of people who got into MAD. Roving name after name, down the list, I realised that my name wasn't there. It was disappointing. How could it not be? After all, I really wanted MAD to be my core cca, the cca I concentrated on. I really love to dance. But now, my cca life has lost its focus. Sure I'm in several other CCAs: ELDDFS (Drama and debates), Health and Fitness, Canoeing (which my mom wants me to quit, and which I think I most probably will quit), and Recreational Tennis (which, from what I hear, doesn't start until after March). And I really want to join a core cca which invigorates you physically, one with competitions and not just for recreation so that I have a direction to work towards. I don't think I'm the type for Touch Rugby or soccer though, even while ppl have been asking me to join these ccas. Taekwondo? Doesn't really appeal to me. Maybe only Youth Flying Club really appeals to me (after MAD), but there's the evil height restriction (sigh). Argh, someone, give me advice on what cca(s) that fit my requirements! I'll reward you handsomely (with chocs) if it turns out to be a great cca for me to join.
On a sidenote, I had 2 hours of free periods from 8-10am this morning! How cool is that. I spent the time playing tennis with Zi Chong, Jin Quan, and somebody else whom I think is called Joe Young (I don't know how to spell). I play tennis badminton-style and that really handicaps me greatly. I really hope I can improve quickly with more practice, or poor Zi Chong and Jin Quan will suffer from boredom.
After school, some of us 6o ppl went for Dramafeste auditions (Jonathan, Bryan, Wei Xiang, Siobhan, Michelle, Siew Ching and I; Pauline and Yang Sai came much later but they only signed up for backstage). 6o dominated the whole audition -- we were the only class there! The committee said that last year 6o was the Dramafeste class too, so I guess traditions continue on. :D It was interesting and quite funny to see everybody audition out the different roles. I just hope I get chosen to act in the Dramafeste for Athena. Of course it'll be even better if the whole cast was from 6o! Yeah!
I was so surprised last night. When I received the message from the MAD senior saying that I've been shortlisted for the 2nd round of MAD auditions. I seriously thought I had no more chance of getting in. Looking back, I guess I was really silly and weak to doubt myself just because of an audition which didn't go well. How could I just give up and be so despondent, just because of a small failure??? If I despair so easily, what about the big failures when they come? Would I just break down like that?
I can't! I've got to get up again, and try again! I have to be stronger than that! I don't want to be a weakling, I don't want to cry after every failure. I want to be strong. I have to believe in myself.
That's what makes the difference -- faith and perseverence.
Perhaps that was why the 2nd round of MAD auditions today went much better than yesterday. It was another chance, a last chance to prove myself, and I did try my best. Thanks to Wei Xiang and Ernest whom I practised the dance with, I found my confidence and ease again. True true, I forgot some of the dance steps when repeating the sequence, but at least I continued on freestyle from there.
Now I'll just wait for the results. If I get in, I get in. If I don't, I don't. At least I tried.
And yeah! Thanks to Qiu Rong, Siobhane and Jonathan for erm, watching and giving us moral support by your presence! hehe.
It's a sad sad day. I went for MAD auditions (both Modern Dance and Hip Hop) and I think I screwed both up really badly! Somehow, I just kept forgetting the dance steps, and that really made me fumble quite badly. Now, I can just hope. And hope.
It's quite depressing to see so many people out there much better than me. Who remember all their moves, or at least most of them. Who are so much more at ease with all the steps, and look so much better dancing. Who get nods and looks of appraisal from the seniors, and their friends watching below. And me, just a mediocre dancer-wannabe with too much expectations.
I'm not saying that I'm particularly good. It's just that I thought I could dance, at least better than average. After all the time of hearing people say I look like a born dancer, that I dance well; after all that, today's audition turn-out was a major disappointment, a crushing dip of confidence.
I still know what I want. I know I've a strong passion for dance, and that will never change regardless of the audition results. But now, I don't know whether I'm any good in dance anymore.
I don't know, I really don't know.
Already, it's two days into the official start of lessons. Though it's mainly just introduction, well, it still can get quite boring at times. :( But I guess that's what SCHOOL is. It can't be all fun and no work.
Just felt a bit off today. Can't really write everything here, but it's basically because of the way someone I consider my friend seems to throw blunt remarks about. Oh well. Maybe it's also because I can be rather too sensitive at times?
Anyway, it's at times like these, when I'm down, that I feel strongly the value of friendship, and the warmth and comfort that my good friend(s) bring. Again: Thanks Ernest! You rock! :)
1+1+4 = 6 That's why our class birthday fell on yesterday, 14th Jan! Or at least that's what I heard. Or maybe it's 15th Jan. Someone, enlighten me!
As with most gatherings, it started not on a high note. Our class was mostly waiting for seniors to come, before we finally decided to go to Betty's house for our dinner first. After which, people gathered into different groups playing different games. Some of us girls went to Zhao Rui's house at Mandarin Gardens to get playing cards, before we played Polar Bear with the seniors, then Sardines, and then Musical Chairs. Forfeits for the 2 poor unfortunate souls each round were: pass-the-leftover-tofu-with-your-mouth. Very obviously I got sabo-ed again. >.< What can I say!? I come to the conclusion that our seniors are very s a d i s t i c!!! :P
Actually, I'm quite surprised that in JC, the seniors make an effort to interact with the juniors, and stay together as one big class of different batches. It's not the case in secondary schools. Again, it just shows how strong the 60 class spirit is, yeah! Happy Birthday, 60!
On a sidenote, I think JC is a time when we all need to let go of reservedness, and make an effort to socialise and be part of a group. JC's not just a time for us to study. It's also a time for us to socialise and have fun together as teens. It's the last chance we have to be part of a class, studying and playing together. After that, it's just us embarking on the road to university, adulthood and working life as individuals. So, take this opportunity to enjoy school life together with the class, and with friends!
Throughout the entire orientation, the campfire on Fri night was distinctly, the most memorable. Well not just the actual campfire itself, but the preparation and selection before that. Even though our class performance item didn't get selected, we performed it as a class, we performed it together! It was a closure to our long hours of exhausting preparation. I'm sorry I couldn't choreograph a cooler, funkier dance though. I just didn't have enough time or ideas. Anyway, it was really great that our class flag got selected to represent Athena, all thanks to Samuel!
The campfire itself was packed full of activity. The emcees were good, and the class items presented were mostly of a high quality as well. I particularly found the dance by A15 awesome! (Looking at how good some of the J1 dancers are, I'm beginning to doubt whether I can get into Music & Dance. Nevertheless, I'll try my best!)
But what made it memorable were not the items, the funky faculty dances, nor the amusing competitions; it was the enthusiasm of the various faculties, of our class; it was the display of the class spirit that shined through the light sticks we waved to the beat of the songs; it was the hapless laughter and jerky movements while we tried to dance the mass dances; it was the running amok in 60-senior-junior-human-train and the offkey singing and the circle of classmates swaying to the college songs.
That was what made this campfire night special.
May 06S60 stay united as a strongly bonded class forever! Rock on, 60!
Today was a really tiring day for me. The first half of the day was full of boring talks, though the Sex Ed talk (really just a counselling talk) was interesting. The Athena faculty dance's really cool, and I hope to learn it well, and maybe, hopefully, be a Dance I/C or something, if I'm good enough for them.
Afterwards, it was the class dance practice. Somehow the class spirit was dampened, and people were not enthusiastic. Especially after watching class dances that looked professional, by classes which seemed so united and enthusiastic. Even the music cd couldn't be played, which further dampened everyone's mood, so people were reluctant to practise dance. I was frustrated, and tired, just plain tired. But after migrating to another place with less distractions and forcibly getting everyone to practise a few times, things picked up. People were more enthusiastic, and at least more willing to dance, and I think after quite some time, the class dance was more or less synchronised.
And I'm really touched. And grateful. To the class, for cheering for me. Maybe it was just a small thing to all of them, but to me, it made my day. It made all the shouting for people to practise, all the pain in the throat after singing the song loudly so many times, all the fatigue and exasperation worthwhile. I love 06S60!!! And thankful for having such supportive classmates, like Pauline, Cheryl, Rachel, Qiu Rong, and Steve (yeah, he's quiet, but supportive all the same), and yeah Wai Hong for leading the class cheers all this while, just to name a few. And the great seniors as well, for volunteering to buy us dinner and encouraging us on.
I have to thank Ernest as well. If you're reading this, thank you for talking with me all the way home. I enjoy your company and friendship. I really needed to unload my troubles, and now, I have a clearer idea of the career I really want. Sometimes I think friendship is not about how long you knew each other; it's about how much you really understand, and trust enough to share your thoughts with each other.
And I'm really thankful to Junwen as well, for saying that our class dance is great and that I sing well wahahaha (ok, ego boost. most probably it's just a nice encouragement). Sometimes what I need most is encouragement, affirmation and moral support.
And thanks to that unknown guy from that unknown class practising next to us, for lending us the cd player and helping to set it up! (though it was all in vain, due to the cd). His helpfulness really brightened my dampened spirit.
I started the day badly (being late, tired) but I think it ended well, at least emotionally, if not physically (have a sorethroat now), thanks to all these wonderful people!
In the city, with the sea of people, the waves of unfamilar, different yet similar faces, that pass by, roll on, and surge forward again, what are individuals? What is the meaning of individualism? To others, what are we but names heard and forgotten, faces remembered for a while then faded again in the minds of people? Aren't we but part of the multitude of millions other human beings? And how different is that from an ant in a colony of million other ants?
In the city, we are all lonely. Isolated in an apartment of one of the thousands other high-rise buildings, we are lonely. In the bustling crowd of many other people, we are lonely. In a loud, noisy group of several people making small talk to others at one time, of different people trying to get different people's attentions, of averted eyes, of closedness, of coldness, of forced, spent warmth, we are all lonely.
If strained, forced small talk is loneliness, then comfortable silence, between friends, must be the intimacy that forges closer bonds between two people.
When mutual understanding is achieved, we are no longer isolated. When two souls connect, we are no longer lonely.
Why do I always want to own everything? Why must I always strive to be the best, to be a person that cannot possibly exist? Why do I always start many things, but give many of them up halfway? Why do I always have the energy and enthusiasm to begin, but never the commitment and steely determination and guts to carry it through and complete things?
I lack the courage the acept mistakes, flaws and failures. I lack the courage to accept any mediocrity on my part, and to continue on when my castle in the air has burst into bubbles, fading away..
I am a dreamer, an idealist, a perfectionist. Those times...like when I've just woken from a dream too beautiful to be true; when I'm shaken from a daydream too sweet to be real; when I finally got something I really wanted but lost it again; when I'm told I've got something I wanted only to find out it was a mistake; when that which I desire is almost within my grasp, but always just a few inches away. Those are the times which dampen my spirit, and shake my courage.
I'm tired. I yearn for the day my heart's desires are finally achieved. But till then, I won't give up. I hope.
Time flies by really fast (how many times have I said that?) but it's already a week into the start of school. To say the truth, I've been eagerly anticipating JC. While I understand that some of my friends are not looking forward to JC as it brings about many changes, it's my personal belief that changes are vital in helping us grow as an individual. Perhaps because I embrace changes, I can greet this new school life with enthusiasm, optimism and energy. While secondary school holds a store of precious and happy memories for me, trying to cling on to the past would only add a tinge of frustration and pessimism to one's view of the world. Only by letting go, by looking forward, can we see new opportunities and doors open for us, savour every moment, and be happy.
Orientation so far has been fun. Well, to say the truth, half boring, and half fun. The talks, briefings (and CT session too) were 'necessary' bores. The icebreaker and orientation games and mass dances were fun! Especially the mass dances! I particularly love the Wild Wild West one. These dances are full of energy and vigour, great for dissipating boredom, getting everybody 'high' and useful in 'breaking ice'. But of course, you'll only enjoy it if you join in the dances enthusiastically. :) I think mass dances are a wonderful way to inculcate school spirit, much better than school cheers. Perhaps due to the physical element?
My Orientation Group and class are wonderful, with nice people in them. So are the seniors! I guess, it's the people who make school life great or bad. Looking forward to the next week and class lunch tomorrow! :)
Finally I've caught on to today's entry.
Green trees, dense humid air, gravel and mud paths, rain, talk and laughter. That forms the bulk of my memories of today's nature trek outing. Of course, not to forget the 8 o'clock sun greeting me as I arrived at MacRitchie Reservoir and was greeted by Wei Lai and Bo Yuan (fellow student correspondents), and subsequently (40 minutes later) by the "lost sheep" Jia Jun and her "lone" friend Crystal. The weather, cool, fair and breezy, was too good for anyone to be impatient, and after a while, we set off on a trail leading towards the Treetop Walk. Lots of talk along the way, so much so that all I registered of the 1-hour-long (approximately) journey there was the consistent crunch of gravel beneath my sandals, the whirring and creaking of insects, the blurred repetitive images of trees, trunks, branches and leaves, and the occasional monkeys and people.As we reached the Treetop Walk, it started raining. But it was a pleasant experience, to feel the wetness of the raindrops splashing against my body, the coolness of the moisture clinging onto my skin, the soft humming and splish-splash of the falling rain against the ground. The first part of the Treetop walk -- the long suspension bridge -- was simply wonderful. I loved walking on it. Subsequently, there were long flights of stairs up and down, and I had to tear my eyes away from the greenness surrounding us, keeping them on the wet steps. Besides, I have always disliked climbing stairs (unless climbing beautiful, elegant spiral stairs). THerefore, imagine the relief when the up-and-down flights of stairs ended, in a road, a flyover, and narrow muddy paths which led us, finally, to Bukit Timah Hill. After trekking for a while longer, I headed down the hill, home. The time was 12.10.The calm inside me now -- it's called contentment. I like going out, meeting people, doing activities like playing sports, trekking, watching movies, with others. To sit at home alone all day -- to me, that's boring, that's wasting a day. Unless I'm reading or watching something interesting. I'll just hope that there would be more outings to come in the near future.Not to worry though, my mind is now full of the impending trip to Korea from 3rd to 11th December. I wonder what new experiences I'll have, what new places I'll visit, new people I'll meet, new food I'll eat.Now evening approaches, and the empty unpacked luggage beckons
It's kind of surprising how the days fly by, and the flurry of activity, the different events that happen. I would lose track of what happens if I do not keep a log.
26th Nov. Today, I went to UWCSEA for the first round of UWC interview. What can I say, it's one of the few interviews I ever had. I have to thank Wu Fan, Veron, and Josephine (the MGS girl I met who was also going for the interview), for chatting with me. The lighthearted chatter really helped me be comfortable and just myself-- what I really needed for the interview. It didn't go too badly, the interviewers were nice people who weren't really intimidating. As I walked out of the interview, I suddenly realised how important going to a UWC is to me, how close this dream is to my heart. But some things just have to be left to others. What I can do, I have already tried. Now I just have to wait and see. And hope. :)
27th to 29th Nov These few eventful days were spent at Manila, Philippines, watching the SEA Games. Together with 8 other fellow Young Team Singapore Ambassadors (YTSAs), we came with some other officials from Team Singapore (Yanni and Wendy and the other Team SIngapore Volunteer Leaders), as well as some other Team Singapore supporters. We were there to cheer and support the athletes in the games (we watched the Wushu, fencing and Athletics matches) we went to. Besides us, a group of cheerleaders (Magnum from Ngee Ann Polytechnic) also came with us. Though initially, there was a visible divide between us YTSAs and the cheerleaders, as the days passed by we realised that they were friendly and approachable. We cheered the athletes on together. Most of all, we helped cheer each other on during our performances at the Team Singapore Dinner on Mon (28 Nov) night. It's a pity we didn't start getting to know each other until Monday. The next day, we had to leave for Singapore while they stayed in Manila. Yet those short moments form the bulk of my happy memories that I take back from Manila -- the warmth of friendship, the cheer and laughter, the energy and vibrancy of youth. Go YTSAs, go cheerleaders, go Team Singapore!
A padi field, windswept waves of rolling green and gold, framde by swaying coconut trees in the background. Idyllic, mystic, nostalgic. And that was where our stage performance was held. Our-- referrign to the Nan Hua Pri Pioneer GEP batch. We were holding a performance in aid of charity. [insert: come to think of it, it's a strange dream. But dreams are mostly strange-- they are the unconscious thoughts that our conscious mind can't decipher.]
The faces, vague yet clear at the same time, I can no longer recall, as the traces of the surreal strage dream faded from my mind, while I gradually slipped away from the land of dreams. The tiny gnawing at my heart, however, is still subtly perceptible, though it slowly disappeared too.
It occurred to me that I missed my years in primary school, especially those later years I spent in Nan Hua pri GEP. The laughter, the squabbling, the teasing, the fooling around, the freedom of being a child, and those little moments, snapshots in time. While I was earnestly wishing to leave primary schol in P6, I can't help but miss those pri school days when I look back now. The grass is always greener on the other side. Just like how I'm so eagerly looking forward to JC, but perhaps in years to come I'd miss my secondary school years greatly. Perhaps nostalgia only sets in when we recall the past. Perhaps we only treasure things when they're gone.
Perhaps this strange dream and the accompanying feeling of nostalgia was triggered by the Nan Hua Pioneer GEP gathering yesterday. At the gathering, we ate lunch, watched a movie, played basketball. What can I say of my old friends and classmates except that people grow and people change. The shared memories of our days in Nan Hua Pri GEP is but a brief moment where the lines and trajectories of our lives intersect, before diverging again, some lines bent closer to each other, others spiralling off, further and further. Without the effort to keep in contact, perhaps all these lines would spiral off in opposite directions, never to meet again.
Just like my friends and classmates, my cousins too are growing apart, away from me. It's a fact, undeniable. Just like how young leaves on a sapling are close together, growing together, there soon comes a point where growth results in branches and more branches holding the leaves apart, further and further away. Leaves wither and fall, while the tree continues growing.
That's the way life is.
24.01.06: survey question to everyone.
Hey everyone!!! I've a question to ask all of you: Do you think I should change my blog from LiveJournal to Blogger? Personally I prefer Blogger cos it's more customisable (e.g. I can create my own layout easily) AND it may be easier to comment (tagboard!) and read. But with LiveJournal, it may be easier to read all the "friends (LiveJournal ones)" page at one go. Chinese New Year is coming so I'll probably be making changes, IF any, before then. Please comment! (for non-LJ users, just use the anonymous option). If you're free, can you also state the reason too? (e.g. Blogger more reader-friendly or easier to tag etc etc) THANK YOU!!!
On today. Well it's just school as normal, and we had our very first actual P.E. lesson (last week one was BORING, merely first-aid lessons in the hall followed by height and weight taking) today. It was quite fun actually, ran 2 big rounds around the school (less than 2km only, not very tiring, but I always hate running up slopes. Eek. Same as how I hate climbing stairs.) followed by inclined pull-ups, which I'm pathetic in (did only 10, with 7 at one go, and 3 at another go. Thank goodness the teacher wasn't looking.) I lack arm strength!
The teacher finally came for CSP tutorial today. Late, too. Somehow she reminds me of a primary school teacher, but I guess she's nice in the sense that she didn't scream at us or scold us, only nagging and being quite pissed. I got a great surprise when she started asking me whether I wanted to join Chinese Dance!!! (to which I replied yes, I'm going for the audition tomorrow) So I sort of figured she was the teacher-in-charge of Chinese Dance.
And if I don't get into Chinese Dance, I'll most probably join sailing! (yeah! Sailing's really fun!) Probably a Topper, since I'm too light for Byte (minimum 50kg). Mmm yeah, life's fun! (sidenote: ARG! There's no more persimmons in the fridge!!!)
23.01.06: Class KBOX outing + my ideal birthday feast
Yesterday was the class kbox outing, at Cineleisure. To be honest, I didn't have a good impression of KBOX to start off with, since the last time I came, many of the songs I knew how to sing well, and liked a lot, were not available, and the food totally sucked big time, so even though I was treated to KBOX, I didn't enjoy it. But this class kbox outing changed my impression for the better! It was f u n, we got to sing, got rowdy, and there was a nice noisy atmosphere. Even the lunch (grilled fish) was much better than the one I ate here the other time, even though I still don't call it very satisfactory. I got introduced to several nice songs I haven't heard before, and got to sing some of the songs I liked -- Disney Classics like A Whole New World, Can You Feel the Love Tonight, and F4 songs like Di Yi Shi Jian, Liu Xing Yu (Meteor Rain), and Dai Pei Ni's Ni Yao De Ai. (Don't be mistaken, I don't like the F4 members themselves, I only like some of the Meteor Garden songs).
After spending 3 hours (which seemed all too short; we had to get chased more than 3 times before we finally ambled out after finishing with Dang Ni Gu Dan Ni Hui Xiang Qi Shui) at KBOX, we lingered around the first level for a while, and at this shop called Dodo Club I was immensely attracted by the display of numerous nail polish bottles in many pretty shades of colours! I tried out different colours on all my fingernails, before finally deciding on one. Hehe, I've a sort-of fetish for painting nails.
Next was arcade. I hung around with Yangsai watching the others play for a while, bored, before somebody finally agreed to play DDR (Dance Dance Revolution!) with me. Too bad it lasted only two rounds; too short for my standards. And the steps were much slower than expected!
Finally, after realising Pool would be too expensive, Yang Sai and I left for home, taking the same bus together. On the journey, we talked a lot. I must admit I got to know her much better after today, and yeah, when I see her, I don't think of her as a PRC, I just think of her as a friend and a fellow 06S60! I'm glad she integrates well into the class and that our class doesn't really have any PRC cliques or any other cliques for that matter. =) S60 ROCKS my world!!!
Sidenote: I simply am madly in love with...YOGHURT!!! Edit: NATURAL YOGHURT!!! Edit: Marigold NATURAL YOGHURT!!! (the one in the 1-L Tub and no-sugar-added type. sugar spoils the natural taste of yoghurt). Someone please buy that for my birthday; I want it for my "birthday cake"!!! And those who dare to stomach the taste can share my "birthday cake" in class. HEHE. Let's draw an analogy: for all hardcore ice-cream fanatics out there, natural yoghurt is to me what good ice-cream (say, Swensens, Ben&Jerry's) is to them. For all sweets fanatics out there, FRUITS (read: Persimmons! Kiwis! Blueberries! Strawberries! etc, with the EXCEPTION of YUCKY jackfruit & grapefruit) are to me what the loveliest sweets are to them. For all chocolate fanatics out there, nuts (read: WALNUTS! Cashewnuts! Roasted Almonds!) are to me what Belgium / Swiss chocs are to them.
Combine them all and you get my ideal birthday feast / food prezzie: (Marigold / Yoplus) Natural Yoghurt + FRUITS (esp my fav fruits) + nuts (esp walnuts). Hehe. My birthday's on 1st March btw. Goody, falls on a Wednesday. Can celebrate with 60! =)
20.01.06: CCA, Dramafeste auditions
Anticipation. The very first I did this morning was to check the list of people who got into MAD. Roving name after name, down the list, I realised that my name wasn't there. It was disappointing. How could it not be? After all, I really wanted MAD to be my core cca, the cca I concentrated on. I really love to dance. But now, my cca life has lost its focus. Sure I'm in several other CCAs: ELDDFS (Drama and debates), Health and Fitness, Canoeing (which my mom wants me to quit, and which I think I most probably will quit), and Recreational Tennis (which, from what I hear, doesn't start until after March). And I really want to join a core cca which invigorates you physically, one with competitions and not just for recreation so that I have a direction to work towards. I don't think I'm the type for Touch Rugby or soccer though, even while ppl have been asking me to join these ccas. Taekwondo? Doesn't really appeal to me. Maybe only Youth Flying Club really appeals to me (after MAD), but there's the evil height restriction (sigh). Argh, someone, give me advice on what cca(s) that fit my requirements! I'll reward you handsomely (with chocs) if it turns out to be a great cca for me to join.
On a sidenote, I had 2 hours of free periods from 8-10am this morning! How cool is that. I spent the time playing tennis with Zi Chong, Jin Quan, and somebody else whom I think is called Joe Young (I don't know how to spell). I play tennis badminton-style and that really handicaps me greatly. I really hope I can improve quickly with more practice, or poor Zi Chong and Jin Quan will suffer from boredom.
After school, some of us 6o ppl went for Dramafeste auditions (Jonathan, Bryan, Wei Xiang, Siobhan, Michelle, Siew Ching and I; Pauline and Yang Sai came much later but they only signed up for backstage). 6o dominated the whole audition -- we were the only class there! The committee said that last year 6o was the Dramafeste class too, so I guess traditions continue on. :D It was interesting and quite funny to see everybody audition out the different roles. I just hope I get chosen to act in the Dramafeste for Athena. Of course it'll be even better if the whole cast was from 6o! Yeah!
19.01.06: 2nd round of MAD auditions
I was so surprised last night. When I received the message from the MAD senior saying that I've been shortlisted for the 2nd round of MAD auditions. I seriously thought I had no more chance of getting in. Looking back, I guess I was really silly and weak to doubt myself just because of an audition which didn't go well. How could I just give up and be so despondent, just because of a small failure??? If I despair so easily, what about the big failures when they come? Would I just break down like that?
I can't! I've got to get up again, and try again! I have to be stronger than that! I don't want to be a weakling, I don't want to cry after every failure. I want to be strong. I have to believe in myself.
That's what makes the difference -- faith and perseverence.
Perhaps that was why the 2nd round of MAD auditions today went much better than yesterday. It was another chance, a last chance to prove myself, and I did try my best. Thanks to Wei Xiang and Ernest whom I practised the dance with, I found my confidence and ease again. True true, I forgot some of the dance steps when repeating the sequence, but at least I continued on freestyle from there.
Now I'll just wait for the results. If I get in, I get in. If I don't, I don't. At least I tried.
And yeah! Thanks to Qiu Rong, Siobhane and Jonathan for erm, watching and giving us moral support by your presence! hehe.
18.1.06: MAD auditions
It's a sad sad day. I went for MAD auditions (both Modern Dance and Hip Hop) and I think I screwed both up really badly! Somehow, I just kept forgetting the dance steps, and that really made me fumble quite badly. Now, I can just hope. And hope.
It's quite depressing to see so many people out there much better than me. Who remember all their moves, or at least most of them. Who are so much more at ease with all the steps, and look so much better dancing. Who get nods and looks of appraisal from the seniors, and their friends watching below. And me, just a mediocre dancer-wannabe with too much expectations.
I'm not saying that I'm particularly good. It's just that I thought I could dance, at least better than average. After all the time of hearing people say I look like a born dancer, that I dance well; after all that, today's audition turn-out was a major disappointment, a crushing dip of confidence.
I still know what I want. I know I've a strong passion for dance, and that will never change regardless of the audition results. But now, I don't know whether I'm any good in dance anymore.
I don't know, I really don't know.
17.01.06: School and Friends
Already, it's two days into the official start of lessons. Though it's mainly just introduction, well, it still can get quite boring at times. :( But I guess that's what SCHOOL is. It can't be all fun and no work.
Just felt a bit off today. Can't really write everything here, but it's basically because of the way someone I consider my friend seems to throw blunt remarks about. Oh well. Maybe it's also because I can be rather too sensitive at times?
Anyway, it's at times like these, when I'm down, that I feel strongly the value of friendship, and the warmth and comfort that my good friend(s) bring. Again: Thanks Ernest! You rock! :)
15.1.06: 60 class birthday!
1+1+4 = 6 That's why our class birthday fell on yesterday, 14th Jan! Or at least that's what I heard. Or maybe it's 15th Jan. Someone, enlighten me!
As with most gatherings, it started not on a high note. Our class was mostly waiting for seniors to come, before we finally decided to go to Betty's house for our dinner first. After which, people gathered into different groups playing different games. Some of us girls went to Zhao Rui's house at Mandarin Gardens to get playing cards, before we played Polar Bear with the seniors, then Sardines, and then Musical Chairs. Forfeits for the 2 poor unfortunate souls each round were: pass-the-leftover-tofu-with-your-mouth. Very obviously I got sabo-ed again. >.< What can I say!? I come to the conclusion that our seniors are very s a d i s t i c!!! :P
Actually, I'm quite surprised that in JC, the seniors make an effort to interact with the juniors, and stay together as one big class of different batches. It's not the case in secondary schools. Again, it just shows how strong the 60 class spirit is, yeah! Happy Birthday, 60!
On a sidenote, I think JC is a time when we all need to let go of reservedness, and make an effort to socialise and be part of a group. JC's not just a time for us to study. It's also a time for us to socialise and have fun together as teens. It's the last chance we have to be part of a class, studying and playing together. After that, it's just us embarking on the road to university, adulthood and working life as individuals. So, take this opportunity to enjoy school life together with the class, and with friends!
15.01.06: Campfire
Throughout the entire orientation, the campfire on Fri night was distinctly, the most memorable. Well not just the actual campfire itself, but the preparation and selection before that. Even though our class performance item didn't get selected, we performed it as a class, we performed it together! It was a closure to our long hours of exhausting preparation. I'm sorry I couldn't choreograph a cooler, funkier dance though. I just didn't have enough time or ideas. Anyway, it was really great that our class flag got selected to represent Athena, all thanks to Samuel!
The campfire itself was packed full of activity. The emcees were good, and the class items presented were mostly of a high quality as well. I particularly found the dance by A15 awesome! (Looking at how good some of the J1 dancers are, I'm beginning to doubt whether I can get into Music & Dance. Nevertheless, I'll try my best!)
But what made it memorable were not the items, the funky faculty dances, nor the amusing competitions; it was the enthusiasm of the various faculties, of our class; it was the display of the class spirit that shined through the light sticks we waved to the beat of the songs; it was the hapless laughter and jerky movements while we tried to dance the mass dances; it was the running amok in 60-senior-junior-human-train and the offkey singing and the circle of classmates swaying to the college songs.
That was what made this campfire night special.
May 06S60 stay united as a strongly bonded class forever! Rock on, 60!
12.01.06: Class dance practice
Today was a really tiring day for me. The first half of the day was full of boring talks, though the Sex Ed talk (really just a counselling talk) was interesting. The Athena faculty dance's really cool, and I hope to learn it well, and maybe, hopefully, be a Dance I/C or something, if I'm good enough for them.
Afterwards, it was the class dance practice. Somehow the class spirit was dampened, and people were not enthusiastic. Especially after watching class dances that looked professional, by classes which seemed so united and enthusiastic. Even the music cd couldn't be played, which further dampened everyone's mood, so people were reluctant to practise dance. I was frustrated, and tired, just plain tired. But after migrating to another place with less distractions and forcibly getting everyone to practise a few times, things picked up. People were more enthusiastic, and at least more willing to dance, and I think after quite some time, the class dance was more or less synchronised.
And I'm really touched. And grateful. To the class, for cheering for me. Maybe it was just a small thing to all of them, but to me, it made my day. It made all the shouting for people to practise, all the pain in the throat after singing the song loudly so many times, all the fatigue and exasperation worthwhile. I love 06S60!!! And thankful for having such supportive classmates, like Pauline, Cheryl, Rachel, Qiu Rong, and Steve (yeah, he's quiet, but supportive all the same), and yeah Wai Hong for leading the class cheers all this while, just to name a few. And the great seniors as well, for volunteering to buy us dinner and encouraging us on.
I have to thank Ernest as well. If you're reading this, thank you for talking with me all the way home. I enjoy your company and friendship. I really needed to unload my troubles, and now, I have a clearer idea of the career I really want. Sometimes I think friendship is not about how long you knew each other; it's about how much you really understand, and trust enough to share your thoughts with each other.
And I'm really thankful to Junwen as well, for saying that our class dance is great and that I sing well wahahaha (ok, ego boost. most probably it's just a nice encouragement). Sometimes what I need most is encouragement, affirmation and moral support.
And thanks to that unknown guy from that unknown class practising next to us, for lending us the cd player and helping to set it up! (though it was all in vain, due to the cd). His helpfulness really brightened my dampened spirit.
I started the day badly (being late, tired) but I think it ended well, at least emotionally, if not physically (have a sorethroat now), thanks to all these wonderful people!
8.01.06: Loneliness.
In the city, with the sea of people, the waves of unfamilar, different yet similar faces, that pass by, roll on, and surge forward again, what are individuals? What is the meaning of individualism? To others, what are we but names heard and forgotten, faces remembered for a while then faded again in the minds of people? Aren't we but part of the multitude of millions other human beings? And how different is that from an ant in a colony of million other ants?
In the city, we are all lonely. Isolated in an apartment of one of the thousands other high-rise buildings, we are lonely. In the bustling crowd of many other people, we are lonely. In a loud, noisy group of several people making small talk to others at one time, of different people trying to get different people's attentions, of averted eyes, of closedness, of coldness, of forced, spent warmth, we are all lonely.
If strained, forced small talk is loneliness, then comfortable silence, between friends, must be the intimacy that forges closer bonds between two people.
When mutual understanding is achieved, we are no longer isolated. When two souls connect, we are no longer lonely.
7.01.06: Why?
Why do I always want to own everything? Why must I always strive to be the best, to be a person that cannot possibly exist? Why do I always start many things, but give many of them up halfway? Why do I always have the energy and enthusiasm to begin, but never the commitment and steely determination and guts to carry it through and complete things?
I lack the courage the acept mistakes, flaws and failures. I lack the courage to accept any mediocrity on my part, and to continue on when my castle in the air has burst into bubbles, fading away..
I am a dreamer, an idealist, a perfectionist. Those times...like when I've just woken from a dream too beautiful to be true; when I'm shaken from a daydream too sweet to be real; when I finally got something I really wanted but lost it again; when I'm told I've got something I wanted only to find out it was a mistake; when that which I desire is almost within my grasp, but always just a few inches away. Those are the times which dampen my spirit, and shake my courage.
I'm tired. I yearn for the day my heart's desires are finally achieved. But till then, I won't give up. I hope.
6.01.06: Start of a New School Year
Time flies by really fast (how many times have I said that?) but it's already a week into the start of school. To say the truth, I've been eagerly anticipating JC. While I understand that some of my friends are not looking forward to JC as it brings about many changes, it's my personal belief that changes are vital in helping us grow as an individual. Perhaps because I embrace changes, I can greet this new school life with enthusiasm, optimism and energy. While secondary school holds a store of precious and happy memories for me, trying to cling on to the past would only add a tinge of frustration and pessimism to one's view of the world. Only by letting go, by looking forward, can we see new opportunities and doors open for us, savour every moment, and be happy.
Orientation so far has been fun. Well, to say the truth, half boring, and half fun. The talks, briefings (and CT session too) were 'necessary' bores. The icebreaker and orientation games and mass dances were fun! Especially the mass dances! I particularly love the Wild Wild West one. These dances are full of energy and vigour, great for dissipating boredom, getting everybody 'high' and useful in 'breaking ice'. But of course, you'll only enjoy it if you join in the dances enthusiastically. :) I think mass dances are a wonderful way to inculcate school spirit, much better than school cheers. Perhaps due to the physical element?
My Orientation Group and class are wonderful, with nice people in them. So are the seniors! I guess, it's the people who make school life great or bad. Looking forward to the next week and class lunch tomorrow! :)
1.12.05: trekking with tong xun yuans
Finally I've caught on to today's entry.
Green trees, dense humid air, gravel and mud paths, rain, talk and laughter. That forms the bulk of my memories of today's nature trek outing. Of course, not to forget the 8 o'clock sun greeting me as I arrived at MacRitchie Reservoir and was greeted by Wei Lai and Bo Yuan (fellow student correspondents), and subsequently (40 minutes later) by the "lost sheep" Jia Jun and her "lone" friend Crystal. The weather, cool, fair and breezy, was too good for anyone to be impatient, and after a while, we set off on a trail leading towards the Treetop Walk. Lots of talk along the way, so much so that all I registered of the 1-hour-long (approximately) journey there was the consistent crunch of gravel beneath my sandals, the whirring and creaking of insects, the blurred repetitive images of trees, trunks, branches and leaves, and the occasional monkeys and people.As we reached the Treetop Walk, it started raining. But it was a pleasant experience, to feel the wetness of the raindrops splashing against my body, the coolness of the moisture clinging onto my skin, the soft humming and splish-splash of the falling rain against the ground. The first part of the Treetop walk -- the long suspension bridge -- was simply wonderful. I loved walking on it. Subsequently, there were long flights of stairs up and down, and I had to tear my eyes away from the greenness surrounding us, keeping them on the wet steps. Besides, I have always disliked climbing stairs (unless climbing beautiful, elegant spiral stairs). THerefore, imagine the relief when the up-and-down flights of stairs ended, in a road, a flyover, and narrow muddy paths which led us, finally, to Bukit Timah Hill. After trekking for a while longer, I headed down the hill, home. The time was 12.10.The calm inside me now -- it's called contentment. I like going out, meeting people, doing activities like playing sports, trekking, watching movies, with others. To sit at home alone all day -- to me, that's boring, that's wasting a day. Unless I'm reading or watching something interesting. I'll just hope that there would be more outings to come in the near future.Not to worry though, my mind is now full of the impending trip to Korea from 3rd to 11th December. I wonder what new experiences I'll have, what new places I'll visit, new people I'll meet, new food I'll eat.Now evening approaches, and the empty unpacked luggage beckons
1.12.05: the past week: UWC interview and SEA Games
It's kind of surprising how the days fly by, and the flurry of activity, the different events that happen. I would lose track of what happens if I do not keep a log.
26th Nov. Today, I went to UWCSEA for the first round of UWC interview. What can I say, it's one of the few interviews I ever had. I have to thank Wu Fan, Veron, and Josephine (the MGS girl I met who was also going for the interview), for chatting with me. The lighthearted chatter really helped me be comfortable and just myself-- what I really needed for the interview. It didn't go too badly, the interviewers were nice people who weren't really intimidating. As I walked out of the interview, I suddenly realised how important going to a UWC is to me, how close this dream is to my heart. But some things just have to be left to others. What I can do, I have already tried. Now I just have to wait and see. And hope. :)
27th to 29th Nov These few eventful days were spent at Manila, Philippines, watching the SEA Games. Together with 8 other fellow Young Team Singapore Ambassadors (YTSAs), we came with some other officials from Team Singapore (Yanni and Wendy and the other Team SIngapore Volunteer Leaders), as well as some other Team Singapore supporters. We were there to cheer and support the athletes in the games (we watched the Wushu, fencing and Athletics matches) we went to. Besides us, a group of cheerleaders (Magnum from Ngee Ann Polytechnic) also came with us. Though initially, there was a visible divide between us YTSAs and the cheerleaders, as the days passed by we realised that they were friendly and approachable. We cheered the athletes on together. Most of all, we helped cheer each other on during our performances at the Team Singapore Dinner on Mon (28 Nov) night. It's a pity we didn't start getting to know each other until Monday. The next day, we had to leave for Singapore while they stayed in Manila. Yet those short moments form the bulk of my happy memories that I take back from Manila -- the warmth of friendship, the cheer and laughter, the energy and vibrancy of youth. Go YTSAs, go cheerleaders, go Team Singapore!
20th Nov 05: a strange dream. nostalgia?
A padi field, windswept waves of rolling green and gold, framde by swaying coconut trees in the background. Idyllic, mystic, nostalgic. And that was where our stage performance was held. Our-- referrign to the Nan Hua Pri Pioneer GEP batch. We were holding a performance in aid of charity. [insert: come to think of it, it's a strange dream. But dreams are mostly strange-- they are the unconscious thoughts that our conscious mind can't decipher.]
The faces, vague yet clear at the same time, I can no longer recall, as the traces of the surreal strage dream faded from my mind, while I gradually slipped away from the land of dreams. The tiny gnawing at my heart, however, is still subtly perceptible, though it slowly disappeared too.
It occurred to me that I missed my years in primary school, especially those later years I spent in Nan Hua pri GEP. The laughter, the squabbling, the teasing, the fooling around, the freedom of being a child, and those little moments, snapshots in time. While I was earnestly wishing to leave primary schol in P6, I can't help but miss those pri school days when I look back now. The grass is always greener on the other side. Just like how I'm so eagerly looking forward to JC, but perhaps in years to come I'd miss my secondary school years greatly. Perhaps nostalgia only sets in when we recall the past. Perhaps we only treasure things when they're gone.
Perhaps this strange dream and the accompanying feeling of nostalgia was triggered by the Nan Hua Pioneer GEP gathering yesterday. At the gathering, we ate lunch, watched a movie, played basketball. What can I say of my old friends and classmates except that people grow and people change. The shared memories of our days in Nan Hua Pri GEP is but a brief moment where the lines and trajectories of our lives intersect, before diverging again, some lines bent closer to each other, others spiralling off, further and further. Without the effort to keep in contact, perhaps all these lines would spiral off in opposite directions, never to meet again.
Just like my friends and classmates, my cousins too are growing apart, away from me. It's a fact, undeniable. Just like how young leaves on a sapling are close together, growing together, there soon comes a point where growth results in branches and more branches holding the leaves apart, further and further away. Leaves wither and fall, while the tree continues growing.
That's the way life is.
posted by Qintan at 7:26 PM
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